trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
