ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize
