Define "chronic" masturbator.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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