i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
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