your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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