Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
