So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Randomize
