Will you blow on my dice?
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Randomize
