god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
