I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
That accounts for only three of the penises
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize