The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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