my phone needs a breathalizer
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
