dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Sext me about skeletons
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
