he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
