I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
