I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
