Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Randomize
