Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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