Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
where am i from again
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
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