Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Randomize
