I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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