jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
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