you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Randomize
