im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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