Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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