It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
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