Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Randomize
