you're like a bully in the Christmas story
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Randomize
