____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Randomize
