Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Randomize
