So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Randomize
