So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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