if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Randomize
