Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
