u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
