My liver just broke up with me...
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
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