You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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