I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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