K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Randomize
