I showed him my bush... on skype.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
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