i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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