So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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