i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
