Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
you traded sex for a burrito?
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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