I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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