non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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