When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
