Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
