I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
