break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
