FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Randomize
