Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Randomize
