Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
