He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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