I think i sorta joined a cult last night
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
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