its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
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