all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
