I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
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