he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
