Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
