if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
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