You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize
