I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Randomize
