You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Randomize