I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
you win again, gameday.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
