I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
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