but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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