When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
