gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Randomize
