I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Randomize
