My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
